Wednesday, October 30, 2019

Story Break: How To Choose A Stove

Story Break

How To Choose A Stove

Its up to you. I mean, who the rosy hell am I to tell you what to do? Gotta brain in your head, use it anyway you see fit. I had to do it the hard way and you can too, dont be afraid, it wont hurt too much.

If you want to hear what I did theres nothing wrong with that but think for yourself. I am not God, and never get mistaken for that personage, got no patent on smarts neither, I just do what seems right for me at the time. You can too.

I have used about every kind of stove and fire there is. Kerosene, lamp oil, candles, sterno, gas, you name it. One burner, two burners, hot plates, kitchen stoves, a restaurant stove or two, wood fires, charcoal, everything but ape shit.

As long as its hot it works. Just because it has a label on the side and its made of titanium or kryptonite or something dont mean nothing. Sometimes the crudest oldest simplest way can be the best. Like if your surrounded by a lifetime supply of mosquitoes, all hovering in a big ball with you in the middle, so thick you cant see your tent 10 feet away or hear anything besides that exact whining humming kind of insect sound they make while the drool runs down off their little beaks and they pick out the best part of your hide to poke a hole in. You dont want to pull out a little electric solar powered hot plate with a bunch of wires on it and some spindly legs that can hardly heat a teaspoon of water by next week.

You would die of insanity first, or blood loss.

When the beasts are after you grow some hair and turn into an uglier beast. Go low. Go simple. Be crude. Revert to the old tried and true. Nuke em. Grab some wood and burn it is what I do. Make it smoky. Make them fight you for it. Its your blood after all. Burn some wood and cook on it and stay inside the cloud of smoke.

Theres nothing simpler or cruder or more low tech, old fashioned, knuckle dragging, backward, dumber or better than this. You will go to bed with a full belly, clear of mosquito bites, no itching all night, where your turning over and over scratching and swearing. You will smell nicely of good clean wood smoke and feel like your a part of the woods.

Just be careful and dont burn the whole place down.

Wood aint the best choice all the time like when your in a hurry or the wood is wet or its a bad fire season and the whole world is just waiting to go up in a big WOOF! of flame as soon as you show a match to it. But when your up against the wall and all the snakes in the grass are just waiting for you to turn your back so they can raise up and suck you dry and leave an empty shell to sit on and pick their teeth while they belch and fart and gloat over what they did to you, then theres nothing can beat a messy caveman-type sloppy smoky wood fire.

Got two or three people sharing one pot, cooking together, they want convenience and reliability, you might look to a canister or white gas stove. Weight is less of an issue spread out over two or three or four people as long as your all eating the same dinner together. Just set up. light it, cook and eat. Good for families. If it weighs two pounds thats eight ounces for each hiker in a party of four. Reasonable. No sweat.

I had a Svea 123R a Swedish all-brass single unit stove once. Fuel tank and wind screen all built in. Worked Fine. Fine stove, put out lots of heat, they were made starting about 1880, discontinued in 2006 or thereabouts after more than 100 years in production but heavy these days for one person at 18 ounces, and now it looks being made once again.

Likewise the similar Optimus and other Svea stoves in the same line, the older kerosene and white gas models, single burners, usually brass. Still available up to a few years ago, you can still find them used but for a solo hiker or a pair of hikers each doing their own cooking side by side this style of stove maybe isnt the best choice any more. Technology marches on.

Some newer stoves like the Coleman one-in-all with fold out legs and such all look a little more up to date but unfortunately follow the same old ideas.

Think about it. Think hard. The stores are full of ever more modern versions of these old stoves. One is the remote-burner white gas stoves with the big fuel tank attached on the end of a hose. Have you ever tried to burn a quart of white gas? Did you know that theres as much energy in a gallon of gas as the human body puts out in six weeks of heavy work? Even try burning a pint of gas, its pretty ridiculous.

I used to take my Svea out with a half pint fuel bottle for four, five days, and bring back most of the fuel. Carrying all that weight.

Be smart. Think for yourself, but heres what I think.

If you want as much freedom as you can have and want plenty of fuel and its safe enough out there, take a wood burning stove. Not open fires, but a stove that burns wood in a safe way. Like the deadass simple wood gas stove. You can get one of those electric fan powered stoves or make one yourself, but they are big and complicated you dont really need all that. A wood gas stove burns clean, has no moving parts, you can make one in an afternoon and its foolproof.

Plan B, use alcohol. Especially if your going solo, but if theres two of you, make a bigger one if you want, your still going to be lighter cheaper and simpler.

Make a chart if you cant keep it all in your head. I had some math and science in my day but you dont need that. Mostly I go by feel but write it down if it helps you. Its your ball game.

Cost. Weight. Size. Fuel availability. Convenience, Peace of mind.

Some people get peace of mind knowing that an army of invisible trained worker bees in jumpsuits in a faraway land designed and made something with a bunch of machines so that people could just go out and buy it off a shelf. Simple in a way, you choose from whats on the shelf in your town and forget about it. If it works, OK. If it dont then too bad. You can swear and complain and exchange it for one that works, and your out some money even if it does work.

If it sort of works but not very well then you can adapt to it like you would to wearing a shirt with two left sleeves – not right but maybe you can live with it if you try hard enough.

Some people get peace of mind by thinking things through and designing their own – make their own clothes, build their own houses, etc. Likewise with backpacking stoves. If you have to have liquid petroleum fuels or brand name canister stoves you will have to sell your house to pay for research and development, and get an engineering degree. Short of that be simple and reasonable – alcohol, wood, or maybe charcoal if you really want to be fancy.

Lots of designs available. Even if you buy an alcohol stove made by someone else you still know that you can make your own if you want to. You can find out how its done and get comfortable with the idea, and always in a pinch no matter what, just burn some alcohol in an open cup of some kind. Your in charge at all times.

If you make your own you know exactly how it went together and how it works and that can give you peace of mind. Some people like to trust the great engineer waving his arms behind the curtain and trust in worldwide marketing staffs and all. But some just trust themselves.

Up to you.

My advice if you want it, think about your own needs and take care of them regardless of what designer colors you might have to pass by. If you have not tried one, then go and shake an alcohol stove and at least see what its like.

Thank you very much.